Recently I've branched into the advice column business. Sometimes the letters cast a useful light on larger issues, such as:
Dear Aunt Gwynne,
I have a problem. My husband was in the construction business and went bankrupt. We are now divorced and I have boyfriends, but I want security this time.
My Chinese boyfriend comes from a rich family also in the construction industry. That means they have to give a lot of bribes, but I'm used to that. The problem is that he is not a Communist Party member, and nobody in his family is a senior regime official. What if they execute him for bribery?
I don't really know what my Russian boyfriend does but I think it's not exactly legal. He has tons of money, but his bodyguards never leave his side, so the bed is quite crowded. He bribes all the right people, he says, but sometimes he talks about politics and it scares me. What if the government decides he is an enemy?
The other guy is Indian, and his family is in construction too. I like him best, but nothing works in India. Also, I read they've passed a law that would make it dangerous to bribe people. I don't know what to do. - Perplexed, Beverly Hills
Dear Perplexed,
The Russian boyfriend is problematic. Criminality is no obstacle in itself, but if he is thinking of dabbling in Russian politics, he will soon be neither free nor rich. Move on.
Your Chinese boyfriend sounds better, but his lack of connections really is a potential problem. Bribery is as common as spitting in the street in China, but the regime does jail or execute somebody once in a while to show it cares. The chances are no more than one in 50, but to be really safe one should be a Communist Party member. Only one in 1000 of them ever get punished. Can your boyfriend get a Party card?
If not, you really should consider the Indian boyfriend. Poor infrastructure does not affect the rich in India, and bribery is a perfectly normal part of life. I wouldn't worry about the new law.
The lower house did vote in favour of a tough anti-corruption law but made sure the new anti-bribery ombudsman would have no control over the Central Bureau of Investigation, which carries out corruption investigations (when it feels like it). Besides, the upper house failed to vote on the new law last week, so it's probably not going to happen.
Eight similar anti-corruption bills have failed to make it onto the books in India in 43 years.
Why outsource a husband anyway? There are plenty of rich Americans. In the US, bribery is called "political contributions" and perfectly legal. And if Americans are rich enough, they don't pay tax. So head up, chest out, and get on with it. Corruption is only a problem for the little people. - Aunt Gwynne
Putting my journalist's hat on, I admit I was cutting a few corners there. In Transparency International's Corruption Perceptions Index, Russia ranks as much more corrupt than China or India. It rates 143 out of 183, tied with Nigeria, East Timor and Togo. India and China do better, at 95 and 75. And the US, at 25, is only a little more corrupt than Chile, Qatar and the Bahamas.
Indeed, corruption in the US is mainly a political problem. Petty corruption that makes daily life so wearing in most developing countries barely exists there. Why? They earn enough that they do not feel compelled to demand bribes.
Anti-corruption commissions can make dents but the long-term key is to pay a living wage, which generally only happens when you give people a democratic voice. There is no moral gulf between New Zealand (No 1) and Uzbekistan (177) - just a huge difference in politics and living standards.
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