Congratulations - you have just survived the most dangerous time of the year.
I have always naively assumed the Christmas-New Year holiday period to be the most restful, happy, serene and safe period of all.
We enjoy time off work, family fun, good food and drink, good company, peace on earth, goodwill to all men, and all of that.
Sadly, the facts show otherwise.
I have belatedly discovered that the busiest day for hospitals is December 25, followed by January 1. I feel like I’ve just seen Bambi being shot.
Doctors attribute much of the New Year’s Day spike to middle-aged men coping with stress, too much alcohol and overeating.
They also blame resolutions to get fit as blokes undertake exercise regimes that are too sudden and optimistic and a reluctance to seek medical help when suffering, for example, chest pains.
I suppose I can understand much of that, but surely Christmas Day should be fairly trouble-free? Not so.
The yuletide message of peace and goodwill is clearly failing to get through.
Victorian police respond to reports of family violence at the truly astonishing rate of one every 10 minutes. That’s 126 assaults on Christmas Day alone.
Assuming Victorians are representative of all Australians - and maybe that’s asking too much for NSW folk to accept - then there is an assault somewhere around Australia every two or three minutes.
On one of the great holy days of the year.
Victoria Police Chief Commissioner Ken Lay said alcohol and family and financial problems were among the triggers.
‘‘It’s a sad day when our police have to move people from their homes, move kids from their homes,’’ he said. ‘‘But all too often there’ll be someone being assaulted and police knocking on the front door.’’
I know we call it the silly season, but I also had no idea how silly people can be.
NSW paramedics say they traditionally receive calls to treat children - and adults - hurt by kids’ presents.
Accidents include falls from scooters, bikes and trampolines.
Frequent injuries arise from Frisbee throwing, pogo sticks, fishing, water slip ’n’ slide rides and poolside antics.
Another common one is adults stabbing themselves with screwdrivers when assembling new toys.
Alcohol is often a factor.
Other hazards for big people include walking into glass windows and tripping down the stairs.
Falls associated with hanging Christmas lights and decorations also cause major injuries, as poor Molly Meldrum can attest.
And don’t dare underestimate the dangers of the humble ham.
Ham-related injuries include carving mishaps, burns, neck and knee strains from carrying heavy hams, and even the odd crushed finger from a ham toppling off a stand.
I don’t suppose New Zealanders are any sillier than us, but latest figures show compensation payouts to Kiwis for Christmas Day mishaps topped $1.4 million.
The incidents included a tackle by an enthusiastic but large son-in-law during a family rugby match.
One reveller laughed so hard he fainted and hit his head.
Another broke a tooth on a dislodged gem that ended up on the menu, and someone taking a post-lunch nap was injured when a drunk person stood on their face.
Clearly, this is not the season to be jolly; it’s the season to be jolly careful.
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