When sole parent Jennifer Gifford’s son was diagnosed with cancer, her childhood friend Ivy Gueco rallied to support her, writes JODIE DUFFY
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JENNIFER GIFFORD, 35, Woonona:
Ivy was one of the first friends I told about Nikky. At the time I didn’t actually know that neuroblastoma was cancer. Doctors told me not to Google it, but said that Nikky would have to stay in Sydney Children’s Hospital for the rest of the year. That was in May. Neuroblastoma usually affects children under the age of five – it’s rare for a 12-year-old. Nik is now on an aggressive course of chemotherapy, a continual three-weekly cycle, which will give him a 25per cent chance of survival.
He had been suffering what doctors thought were growing pains for about a year. But when he started to limp we took him to Wollongong Hospital. That’s when they discovered a large tumour in his adrenal gland sitting above his kidney.
The cancer has spread from his shoulders to his spine and hips, and next week doctors will begin to harvest his bone marrow.
I was so angry when he was diagnosed. I had always been taught that it’s better to give than to receive and that good things will come to you – that life will be good. I don’t understand karma any more. Seeing your son suffer so much pain is devastating.
Nikky is such a good boy. The other night I was crying quietly in the dark in hospital and Nik, still with a tube in his nose, called me over and said: ‘Stop crying mum and have some sleep’.
Last year in November he got money for his birthday, but instead of buying a present for himself he went out and bought Christmas presents for me and his brother. He was so excited to give it to us that he couldn’t wait till Christmas. That’s the type of boy he is. That’s why it’s so hard to believe that this horrible thing could happen to him. It does shake your faith. For me, accepting help from others is hard. It’s overwhelming really, but Ivy is so graceful about everything. We cry and hug. She’s always supportive and non-judgmental. You need a friend like that when you go through adversity. She tells me things about myself that I don’t always see. She tells me I’m a good mother. She reminds me all the time that as a single mum I’m doing the best I can. I feel totally blessed to have a friend like her. She inspires me and shines a light on things when there is darkness. She helps me stay positive and strong.
IVY GUECO, 39, Dapto:
I try not to cry in front of Jen because I want to be strong for her. She’s a single mother of two boys and I know life has sometimes been a struggle. She’s proud and doesn’t like to accept help. So when I rallied our friends to raise money for her, the first thing I said was: ‘Don’t be angry with me because this money has come with all the love in the world’.
It was only a few hundred dollars but when we gave her the money she cried. She didn’t have 5¢ to her name and didn’t know how she was going to put petrol in the car to get to Sydney to see Nikolas.
She has the oldest car - a 1986 model. It guzzles petrol and it breaks down every time it rains. In two weeks we’re planning a morning tea fund-raiser and in October a gala ball so we can upgrade her car and pay some of her bills. Jen lives a very frugal life. But there’s still rent and electricity to pay and living expenses in Sydney.
We can’t heal Nik, not one of us can, but we can raise money so Jen can buy him what he needs in hospital. We can help ease the burden a bit.
Nik worries about his mum a lot, but she tries to be strong for him. She allows herself one day off a week to come back down to Wollongong to see her other son Deanglo. We’ll catch up then. She’ll have a good cry and I’ll just listen. There are no words you can say. Sometimes you just need to be there and that’s my role – to give her a hug and make her feel a little better.