There they sit, as they would have in high school, increasing the volume but not the standard of parliamentary behaviour.
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They are question time's brawlers, the boys – and they are all boys – most likely to attract the ire of Speaker Bronwyn Bishop for talking rubbish and talking back. If they could swing back on their House of Representatives padded benchs they would. Sometimes their interjections are witty, often they are not.
The decline of parliamentary behaviour seems to be steadily accelerating, with Mrs Bishop once removing 18 MPs from a record breaking single session of question time. Since taking the chair in late 2013, Mrs Bishop has sent out Coalition MPs on five occasions and Labor MPs 319 times. Here are the five worst offenders from each side:
NAME: Nick Champion, Labor
EJECTED: 44 times
The Adelaide MP sits at the top of the list. Such is the frequency with which he is removed from Parliament, Mrs Bishop must surely wonder if she could just prevent him from showing up to question time in order to save time later on. One of Champion's recent contributions included a story about his dog eating its own vomit which he related to the government's proposed GP co-payment.
NAME: Graham Perrett, Labor
EJECTED: 31 times
One of Parliament's more colourful characters, the Queensland MP is also known for having appeared barefooted on the floor of Parliament and penning two novels, one of which featured a much talked about (in Canberra at least) sex scene.
NAME: Mark Dreyfus, Labor
EJECTED: 25 times
Those on Labor's side put his bronze medal performance down to Dreyfus' stentorian tones, a throwback to his days at the bar, and his seat's close proximity to the manager of opposition business, Tony Burke, whose frequent points of order means Mrs Bishop has one eye on him much of the time.
NAME: Pat Conroy, Labor
EJECTED: 24 times
Conroy has attracted the Speaker's attention not only for interruptions for his use of props, such as signs or copies of newspaper articles with unflattering headlines about a member of the government, which are forbidden in question time.
NAME: Jim Chalmers, Labor
EJECTED: 16 times
The freshman MP learnt at the knee of one of Parliament's most consistent hecklers, former treasurer Wayne Swan, whom he served as chief of staff, until deciding to enter Parliament in 2013.
NAME: Ewen Jones, Coalition
EJECTED: Twice
Queensland MP Ewen Jones holds court on the outer perimeter of the House of Representatives, the leader of a band of merry men sometimes referred to as the "amigos". Jones has been known to bust a move or two while in the parliamentary vicinity and is possibly the only MP with a forklift driver's licence.
NAME: Andrew Nikolic, Coalition
EJECTED: Once
Tasmanian representative Andrew Nikolic is now one of the government's deputy whips. Shortly before his appointment he was one of a handful of Coalition MPs who walked out of Opposition leader Bill Shorten's Closing the Gap speech, an occasion of supposed bipartisanship, when Shorten criticised the government's cuts to legal aid.
NAME: Luke Simpkins, Coalition
EJECTED: Once
The West Australian is better known for his contribution to the Liberal Party's recent attempt to address the leadership issue but he is also a committed and enthusiastic participant in question time.
NAME: Michael McCormack, Coalition
EJECTED: Once
When he is not busy dreaming up witty ripostes McCormack is the parliamentary secretary to the Minister for Finance. Normally question time's verbal jousters do not multi task between portfolio and jokester. But McCormack joins Labor's Mark Dreyfus in managing both.
NAME: Brett Whiteley, Coalition
EJECTED: Hasn't, but gets an honourable mention
Coalition MPs have been sent out of Parliament on far fewer occasions than Labor MPs over the life of the 44th Parliament. So few have been removed that a top five is impossible to fill out. But Whiteley is a frequent contributor to question time's atmosphere and so makes the list with a (dis)honourable mention.
