Iraq war veteran Aaron Gray often finds himself looking out for dead bodies on the side of the road and has to pinch himself to get back to reality.
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A traffic jam can send the 33-year-old into a state of severe agitation because he can’t find an escape route.
Seventeen months on the front line seeing mates brutally killed, battling insurgents and witnessing the stoning death of an Iraqi woman he tried to save, have all chipped away at the Nowra man’s psyche.
I feel more at home on a battlefield, I feel completely lost here, out of place.
- Aaron Gray
Given his fragile state of mind, it’s not surprising that Mr Gray has taken exception to ‘‘dismissive comments’’ by the head of defence health about post-traumatic stress disorder.
The comments that have infuriated Mr Gray were made by Rear-Admiral Robyn Walker, Commander Joint Health and Surgeon General Australian Defence Force.
Admiral Walker has said: ‘‘It is a little bit simplistic that people think PTSD is only related to deployment. It’s not simply related to operational experience but is related to people’s experience of what we call traumatic events. And there is some data to show those experiences ... occur even before they join the ADF.’’
Mr Gray said the admiral’s comments told ‘‘every soldier, sailor, air man or woman that PTSD is not real, and if it is real, it’s not our [the Defence Force’s] fault’’.
Admiral Walker is the subject of Mr Gray’s online petition that has attracted 6635 signatures and 350 pages of comments demanding her removal.
Port Kembla-born Mr Gray said Admiral Walker’s "whole approach has just made myself and thousands of others lose confidence in our senior command’’.
‘‘We desperately need senior staff in the ADF to acknowledge the prevalence of PTSD and combat-related suicides.’’
Mr Gray is the man behind the Australian Veterans Suicide Register which now has 182 names of ex-service men and women who have taken their own lives.
‘‘We’ve had 60-odd names added in the last couple of weeks,’’ Mr Gray said, adding that just two weeks ago he was involving in helping persuade a former soldier from Albion Park not to suicide.
He said people who suffered from ‘‘military PTSD’’ faced ongoing anxiety, fear, distrust, social withdrawal and depression.
The former trooper who worked as a gunner in a light-armoured vehicle, still struggles with crowds and can’t handle society in general.
‘‘I feel more at home on a battlefield, I feel completely lost here, out of place,’’ Mr Gray said.
‘‘I’ve seen dead bodies on the side of road, I’ve seen my mate in an armoured vehicle blown up.
‘‘I’ve copped rocket attacks ... one rocket landed within 30 metres of my vehicle after it was launched from 15 kilometres away.’’
But coming home presented a new war.
‘‘I distinctly remember when I flew in to Darwin Airport, seeing and touching green grass was absolutely mind blowing,’’ he recalled.
‘‘We all went to a pub, I had a quiet beer by myself and I remember thinking that less than 24 hours ago I was on a battlefield.
‘‘And here I am in a pub with people just going about their business. It means nothing. You can’t really process that, you’re an outsider looking in ... that’s what makes life with military PTSD so difficult.’’
Mr Gray learned on Thursday his lobbying had secured him a meeting next month with Australian Defence Force chief Air Chief Marshal Mark Binskin.
He said that in light of the Senate inquiry announced this week (see panel), he was hopeful of change.
The 11-month inquiry will investigate the handling of mental illnesses among defence personnel returning from deployment.
It will also look into the extent of mental health disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder and investigate counselling and support services.
Air Chief Marshal Marshall Binskin said in a statement he was ‘‘very serious’’ about confronting mental health issues head on and ‘‘acutely aware of the number of serving members who have died by suicide’’.
Defence had spent more than $140 million on mental health programs in the past six years and added 91 new positions to the mental health workforce, he said.
‘‘Despite our best efforts, we acknowledge we do not always get it right and I accept there are a number of former ADF personnel who feel that their treatment was not up to the standard they expect,’’ he said.
‘‘Their honest, open feedback is important to help us better understand mental health issues.’’
- Support is available for anyone who may be distressed by phoning Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800.
A senate inquiry will investigate the handling of mental illness experiences of Australian defence personnel returning from deployment.
The 11-month inquiry will look into the extent of mental health disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder.
It will also investigate counselling and support services and education and training offered by the Australian Defence Force.
The inquiry will also look at ADF policies and record keeping, including hospitalisations and deaths.
Other areas to be addressed include:
- Mental health evaluation and counselling services available to returned service personnel.
- Adequacy of mental health support services, including housing support services, provided by the Department of Veterans’ Affairs.
- Support available for partners, carers and families of returned service personnel who experience mental illness and PTSD.