When I think about what I want for my children as they grow up, I think of the kind of people I'd like them to become: adults who are kind, thoughtful and grateful, who laugh often and find passion in life.
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I hope they surround themselves with whatever brings them joy, that they find a career they love and that they forge meaningful relationships. Above all, I want them to be happy.
As parents, it is our job to guide our children in so many areas. We toilet-train them, we teach them self-care and manners, we teach them how to read, what to do in an emergency, how to cross the street safely. We might teach them how to play a musical instrument or a sport we loved growing up.
But can we teach them how to be happy?
Mike Ferry, a long-time middle school teacher, father of four and author of Teaching Happiness and Innovation, maintains we can.
Contrary to what many believe, success does not always bring happiness, but research has shown that the reverse is true - happier people are more likely to be successful at school and work and in their personal lives. Ferry defines happiness as "an optimistic, communal, and disciplined perspective on life".
The happier we are, the more successful we become. And Ferry explains that, thanks to the plasticity of our brains, happiness and innovation can be taught, nurtured and practised. And when we are in a positive mind-set, "our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient and productive at work".
It turns out we can teach our children how to be happy by encouraging certain habits.
The first is gratitude. Teaching children to be grateful in a world of overabundance can seem a daunting task. But the importance of saying no to children in order to instil a grateful attitude cannot be overstated. Help them focus on being grateful for what they already have rather than on what they want next. Another way to teach this is to get into the habit of observing a "moment of gratitude" every day. This may be upon waking up or as the family gathers around the dinner table.
Practising gratitude daily can rewire our brains to recognise appreciation rather than to dwell on disappointments.
Kindness is another skill we can teach our children to help them find greater happiness. Ferry highlights research that has shown a link between the "feel-good" brain chemical dopamine and kindness. Acting with kindness increases the flow of dopamine within the do-gooder's brain, making him feel happy.
We can encourage kindness in children first and foremost by modelling it within our homes.
Be kind, especially during disagreements, and praise even small acts of kindness.
Happy homes can also inspire creative minds. Our brains are most receptive to new information when we are relatively stress-free, happy and engaged, according to Ferry. That means happiness is crucial for learning and critical thinking. We can inspire creativity by embracing humor, curiosity and open-mindedness.
Encouraging creative ideas from children can come in the form of including them in family decisions (such as planning holidays or designing bedrooms). You can also play games that involve open-ended questions to inspire them to think critically. Allowing children plenty of time for unstructured play helps, too.
Happiness is not something that falls out of the sky and into our children's laps. It is a wonderfully complex state of mind that can be strengthened with practice.
And I'm willing to bet that we all want our children to experience happiness and joy in life.
The Washington Post
