As I sat down to write this column, one of the Illawarra's most wanted fugitives remained on the loose. And I was glad as hell about it.

A cross between Ned Kelly, Harry Houdini, Dawn Fraser and Charles Bronson, this unlikely people's hero has not only eluded the authorities, he (or she - no one knows for sure so I'll say "it") has done so in such a spectacular manner it has literally become a living legend in these parts.

Yep, I'm talking about Wollongong's own Torpedo Pig. Part feral porker, part Olympic-standard swimmer, part MMA fighter and 100 per cent rebel, Torpedo is officially the Illawarra's latest home-grown, full-blown superstar.

This irreverent scoundrel made it on to page 5 of Monday's Mercury, for Pete's sake. How many pigs can claim that honour? Obviously I'm a massive Torpedo fan.

Check out its form: In January, punters in Oak Flats watched in bewilderment as the pig - estimated to weigh between 40 kilograms and 100 kilograms - swam 800 metres across Koona Bay.

No one had a stopwatch on it, nor is it clear if Torpedo swam a PB, but based on what happened next, few people doubt this thing could upend a baby grand piano quicker than Grant Hackett could say "bring me some Stilnox and a schooner of bourbon!"

Then, once ashore on the other side of Lake Illawarra, Torpedo took just a minute or two to catch its breath and suss the lie of the land before throwing down with two large dogs. Guess who won?

Hungry for more biffo, Torpedo launched itself, cage-fighting style, against the fence of local man Richard Davis.

Taken aback by super-mongrel-pig's unsettling willingness to punch on in broad daylight, Davis reached for a nearby spirit level in an attempt to ward off the now rampaging Torpedo.

Big mistake. Our pig simply seized Davis' crude weapon in its powerful gob, wrenched it from the poor man's grasp and spat it out with a snort of contempt.

If that doesn't inspire respect and get blokes talking at the pub, nothing will.

But Torpedo wasn't done; after humiliating Davis and the hapless mutts it plunged back into Lake Illawarra for another 800-metre hit-out in the water.

Once again, the time it registered wasn't officially noted but Davis is on record saying Torpedo created "a really big wake" as he motored across the lake.

Torpedo. Thorpedo - same diff.

While I reckon the Dragons oughta sign this pig up as a mascot, if not have it playing off the bench, Shellharbour City Council has other plans; that is, trap Torpedo (booooo).

So a few weeks back a steel cage snare was set and, in a rare moment when it dropped its guard, Torpedo was finally nabbed. Or so its detractors thought.

Being the toughest bastard this town has seen since Craig Young laced up a boot, Torpedo busted free by literally kicking the door clean off the cage. How can you not stand up and applaud strength and determination like that?

It has even rewritten the pig-trapping rule book.

"A new [cage] door is now being constructed to withstand the strength of the pig," said a council spokeswoman, who was obviously too frightened to give her name to the Mercury lest Torpedo find her.

Now, here's where the story starts to go all wrong for me. SCC says it is determined to catch Torpedo. If and when they do, they're gonna kill it.

Right now, this region is facing an uncertain future and I respectfully submit that we need all the local inspiration we can get; be it from a human being or another creature that we're told tastes pretty much the same.

Well here it is - from an irreverent hard-arse who isn't afraid to stick it to The Man.

Honestly, were he alive today would we shoot Phar Lap and send him to the glue factory along with Simpson's Donkey? I'm not saying we should let Torpedo run loose to destroy vegetation and wreck fences, but I do believe it should be humanely captured, cared for, placed on display and upheld as a local legend.

Imagine a large enclosure at Symbio Wildlife Park where Torpedo could live out its days in comfort and also serve as a major tourism drawcard.

Ever noticed how the first animals that kids and parents alike want to see at the Royal Easter Show are the piglets? That's because pigs rock. We're cousins! Ask Bronwyn Bishop.

Torpedo's Symbio enclosure could include a giant swimming pool so the littlies could watch him try to smash his records.

There could be a thrice-daily show where the mums and dads could watch Torpedo do battle with a handler dressed as Richard Davis brandishing a spirit level.

It's not hard to imagine a daily set piece where Torpedo goes completely bananas and reduces a 10-metre long paling fence to matchsticks as the crowd roars its approval.

Think of the merchandise, too. "I Pigged Out In The 'Gong" Tshirts, little stuffed Torpedos in the souvenir shop complete with tiny plastic spirit levels and Richard Davis figurines to do battle with. Wind-up plastic pigs that can swim in the bath ...

So join me, friends, in lobbying Shoalhaven City Council to save Torpedo's bacon.