As a kid I did rather like the idea of the Dick Tracy video watch, but that was a lifetime ago, and besides, technology has advanced in such mind-blowing ways since then, the Apple Watch seemed almost anticlimactic.

Then the Apple Watch Hermes was released with the double-length band ($1250) or cuff ($1500) and I thought, "'Maybe not so meh." The combination of Hermes artistry with the new technology makes the new wrist accessory look stylish, more Faubourg Saint-Honore than Silicone Valley.

I don't wear a watch and haven't since the early 1990s when my lovely old marcasite watch was stolen. I can't say I've missed it. And yet I'm the kind of person who is so concerned about being on time, I always arrive 10 minutes early. As a traveller, I have most of what I need on my phone, including a world clock app, and it does the trick.

There was a time when I liked men's watches and wore them by the armful. (Still a good look if you don't mind rattling.) That's when fake Rolex watches were $20 each from the vendors on Broadway in Soho. But then one of my friends boldly walked into the Rolex store on Fifth Avenue wearing his fake and when the salesman spotted it, he had security throw my pal out the door. I haven't worn a fake since.

This time of year, when the luxury magazines are full of Christmas gift suggestions, watches figure pretty high on wish lists. For men, perhaps more than women, they're status symbols. That's because women have other status objects to show off – handbags, bracelets, earrings. A pricey timepiece is one of the few adornments available to men; hence there are so many articles on "what your watch says about you".

Massively expensive watches probably say the same thing about you as massively expensive cars.

And many do cost as much as cars. Esquire magazine's 10 best luxury watches for 2015 include the Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Concept Laptimer for motor sports, with its alternating consecutive lap timing, at $229,500.

Or if you'd like a more impressive status symbol, select a watch with a show-offy tourbillon, a complex feature that is designed to improve accuracy, like Blancpain's​ L-Evolution Tourbillon Carrousel at $373,130.

For women, it's Elizabeth Taylor's favourite Bulgari Serpenti, priced at upwards of $95,000 for the pink gold and diamond version or perhaps Van Cleef & Arpels' Cadenas, first created in 1935 and inspired by the zip necklace worn by the Duchess of Windsor. (Wallis' own watch sold for $508,000  at Sotheby's in 2011.)

"You don't get taken seriously in business if you don't have a good mechanical watch," writes a scribe on one of the many watch-fetish websites, most of which are directed at men. The sky's the limit on what "good" mechanical watches might cost, as you can see from the above, but even a more modest watch from legacy Swiss makers such as Patek Philippe, Jaeger Lecoultre, Piaget or Breguet​ is too precious a thing to be hidden under a cuff.

Some of the more contemporary watches look like a piece of a space station has dropped off and landed on the wrist. And that's the thing about watches that always bothers me – having something on my wrist, especially something whopping, makes me aware of time in a way that's distracting.

One place I definitely don't need to know about time is on a plane. The temptation to look at your wrist every hour is counterproductive. I find if I don't know the time, 14 hours can fly by like a tiny eight.

Having said all this, and liking to contradict myself, I do think there's something nostalgic about the right watch. I think a gold fob watch would be nice. Unless you're Alice's White Rabbit, you can put it in your pocket and forget about it until you need to know the time.

Or, scanning the vintage watch catalogues, I came up with a black-dial 1962 Breitling​ Cosmonaut, created for US Navy test pilots, so rare the dealer wouldn't even give me a "ballpark" price.

Failing owning that, maybe I should dig out my old Cruella de Vil watch, given to me at the premiere of Disney's 101 Dalmations 20years ago. That counts as vintage, right?