If this year is teaching us anything, it's that some old habits – like smacking – need to be put aside for good.
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A recent widespread study (see story below) of 160,000 children over 50 years has provided the definitive answer: smacking shouldn't be done anymore.
Clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack says smacking happens for several reasons. The first is that it's what we know from how we were raised. "You learn what you see," she says, "so if that's how you were raised then that's your default strategy. But we don't have to drop back to defaults that our parents and grandparents used; we're more researched and have access to more strategies and information."
It's also possible that many parents don't see their smacking habits as a problem. McCormack says, "Some people perhaps don't identify their smacking with what's in the research. They say that they only smack now and then, not regularly, so it's okay."
Facts are facts, however, and the research tells us that physical discipline should be avoided completely. "It's wiser to try something that's not likely to damage your child in any way," says McCormack.
Here's how to stop the smacking:
Set a resolution
The first step is to decide that you're committed to finding other ways to discipline your child. And right now is as good a time as any. "Make a decision that as of today you're not going to smack your child again," suggests McCormack.
Arm yourself with ideas
The next thing is to think ahead and prepare for those inevitable moments when tempers are flaring. "If you haven't already thought through other strategies, then the reality is that in that heated moment you'll go straight to smacking your child," explains McCormack.
Decide on some ways you'd like to react next time you're angry with your child, and research some ideas that might work for them.
Make it visual
The next time you reach that moment of wanting to raise your hand to your child, your emotions will likely be taking over. Try to interrupt yourself with a visual reminder that you're not going to smack your child. "When you're in the heat of the moment, your ability to think clearly is reduced," says McCormack. "It might be helpful to have your list of strategies up on the wall or on the fridge."
Time out isn't just for kids
Giving yourself time out can be a really effective strategy. "If your child is doing something that's making you angry, you might be able to say, 'I'll get back to you' and walk away for a minute," says McCormack. "Take some deep breaths and come back when you're ready to react more logically."
Tune it out
If your child's screams and tantrums trigger your temper, maybe there's a way to tune it out while you calm down. Make sure they're safe and then, suggests McCormack, "Turn up the music to block out the noise while you calm down."
Prepare your child
Try your best to prevent the situations that lead you and your child into battle against each other. "Be firm but gentle and give logical consequences," says McCormack, "and always pick your battles."
Give your child a heads up. For example, says McCormack, "Tell them that if they throw their dinner on the floor again then there won't be another choice to eat later." This sets up the non-negotiable rules within your family.
Notice the good things
Go out of your way to notice and comment on the good things your child is doing. "Children inherently want to please their parents, they don't want to do all the wrong things," says McCormack. "They want attention and they want to please their parents. If you comment on their good behaviour then they're more likely to repeat it." This can help prevent the adverse behaviours in the long-term.
Ask for some help
If you have a partner, parent or friend with you, ask them to step in if you're getting too angry. "If you're ready to smack your child, that can be a good time to ask someone to help you out," says McCormack.
Remember, this is a learning curve and it's okay to take steps that help you remember to change your habits.
The verdict is in - what five decades of research has confirmed about smacking
Smacking is associated with more aggression, more antisocial behaviour, more mental health and cognitive problems, and poorer relationships with parents, according to the most comprehensive analysis of the research to date. And, it appears that the detrimental effects may also reach into adulthood.
2014 data from UNICEF revealed that around the world, 80 per cent of children are smacked or physically disciplined by their parents. It's a controversial issue and the subject of hundreds of studies documenting the impact of corporal punishment on a range of emotional, behavioural, physical and cognitive outcomes.
The current research, published in Journal of Family Psychology, examined 50 years of work involving over 160,000 children. Defining smacking as "hitting a child on their buttocks or extremities using an open hand" Elizabeth Gershoff of The University of Texas and Andrew Grogan-Kaylor of The University of Michigan, examined a range of studies in an attempt to draw more definitive conclusions about the consequences of physical discipline.
In a statement, Gershoff explained: "We found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents' intended outcomes when they discipline their children."
Specifically, in childhood, smacking was associated with: more aggression, more antisocial behaviour, more externalising problems, more internalising problems, more mental health issues and poorer relationships with parents. It was also linked to lower cognitive ability and lower self-esteem.
Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor also highlighted the link between physical discipline and physical abuse. "We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviours," explained Gershoff, of this finding. "Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree."
As part of their analysis, Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor also explored the long-term effects of having been physically disciplined as a child. Adults who were smacked were more likely to display antisocial behaviour and experience mental health problems. In addition, they were more likely to support the use of physical punishment when it came to their own children.
"The finding that a history of received spanking is linked with more support for spanking of children as an adult may be an example of intergenerational transmission of spanking, or it may be an example of adults selectively remembering their past as a way of rationalising their current beliefs," the researchers noted.
The authors caution that given a large proportion of the studies they analysed were correlational or retrospective in nature, causal links between smacking and the reported child outcomes cannot be established. "That said," they write, "…we can conclude that the data are consistent with a conclusion that spanking is associated with undesirable outcomes. "
Importantly, Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor discovered that the association between smacking and these undesirable outcomes did not depend on how smacking was assessed, who reported the smacking, the country where the research was conducted, or how old the children were. Smacking was associated with negative outcomes consistently and across all types of studies.
The researchers conclude that given "there is no evidence that spanking does any good for children and all evidence points to the risk of it doing harm," parents who use it, and practitioners who recommend it, should reconsider doing so.
"We hope that our study can help educate parents about the potential harms of spanking and prompt them to try positive and non-punitive forms of discipline," Ms Gershoff said.
- Ariane Beeston