Dear Schapelle,
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
Welcome home! A few things have changed since you left Australia in 2004. You were only 27 at the time and might have been thinking about investing in property. Forget about that, you won’t be able to afford it now. Unless of course you manage to get paid for a tell-all interview.
Social media has exploded. Forget your MySpace account, everyone’s on Facebook even your parents. YouTube and Twitter launched in 2005 – the year you were convicted. Be aware that everyone’s a critic, and they can say whatever they want about you on social media which they will, especially if you get a paid interview.
Schapelle, everyone wants to hear your story and if you sell it half the county will watch. Half the country will also complain that you are making money from crime. I’ll be watching.
I know you were studying beauty therapy back in 2004. FYI eyebrows are really big now, no one is doing acrylics anymore it’s all about the shellac, and fake-tanning is still a thing so whatever you learned about bronzer still applies. Paris Hilton isn’t a thing, neither is Dicko or Friends. It’s all about The Kardashians and Netflix. Britney had a breakdown. Avril Lavigne married Chad from Nickelback! Alf is still on Home and Away. Delta is annoying now.
People are going to be really critical of you. They’ll lack compassion for a 20-something year old who made a big mistake, and for a 40-year old who’s probably going through some post-traumatic stress and mental illness. Just ignore people Schapelle, people in glass houses.
We’re still the same! A little behind, a little boganic, but with have better restaurants thanks to the Hipsters. You don’t want to know about them!
Welcome back.
*Fairlie Hamilton is a presenter for i98FM and Mercury columnist.