Migraine headaches should be given a new name. Or at least just call them migraines. Because a headache is an ache of the head.

Headaches are irritating, frustrating and they hurt. but a migraine is much much more. It’s a disgusting state of existence that stops you in your tracks. There is no soldiering on. I will work through the worst of colds, chest infections, hell even pneumonia. But I have no chance against the devil migraine and for someone independent and determined like me, that’s just depressing.

For me it starts with a fog. One time, the fog meant I couldn’t read the numbers on my Medicare card. I told the doctor the numbers must have disappeared as I fumbled for answers, Another time I thought my keypad on my phone had vanished. I couldn’t type a message.

Following the fog is the zig-zags in my eyes. Flashing, flickering lines that not only stop me from seeing straight, but warn me of what is to follow. A heavy, debilitating thud that lingers for days. Just yesterday it happened. I retreated to the boardroom and curled up on the lounge in the dark for two hours. Never mind I was in charge of staff or needed to attend a meeting. Nope. Down and out for the count.

It takes days for my headache-phase to pass. I know I’m free when I can bend down to pick up car keys without feeling the throb anymore. But it’s days after that that the feeling of despair goes. I walk around on egg shells – careful not to look into bright lights or to eat something that may have triggered it – acutely aware another one could be around the corner.

I get them in clumps. Three in one week, ten in one month. They make me superstitious. Did I change something? Is it because I mentioned on Monday I hand’t had one for ages? Just thinking about the triggers is enough to give me a headache – hopefully not another migraine.