But first Matty J is off on a date with Cobie because he’s working his way through the ones that might look a bit like Georgia from last year. Get ready, Elora and Natalia!

Through misty greenery Matty approaches on a horse, and he’s a confident rider. He leans on a fence wistfully and activates a voice-over: “The girls in the mansion they are all unique. And I knew that as time progresses I would start to see their personalities unravel a lot more.”

Uh-huh.

Matty decides Cobie’s good fun – so then he demands a serious side, as he does whenever he’s with someone fun. He calls this negging being “deep”. Cobie’s spirit senses this.

“I'm also very caring and I also have a serious side,” says a ghost-Cobie voice-over in one of those sentences that needs to be edited together in post-production from about four sentences over a few days.

“This is Harry,” says Matty introducing his dashing steed and Cobie thinks it’s all very manly. Cobie seems quite surprised that there is a horse right there in front of her. But you know the old Swedish saying: it's better to have a horse in front of you when you’re at the polo farm than when you’re at the IKEA meatball counter.

Harry then demonstrates to the city kids how you can tell a stallion from a mare. It’s tonight’s equivalent of the throbbing black luxury yacht that so impressed Laura the night before.

ABOUT LAST NIGHT: Wednesday night recap; necking, negging and a scarecrow portrait

The couple goes for a ride, which looks looks like a lovely date but maybe I’m a bit strange. Matty is much smarter and as a millennial metrosexual he quickly heads for the stable to find out whether Cobie can groom. Yes baby let’s go muck out some stables.

Back at the mansion the also-rans are indeed unravelling as they try to twirl their hair and throw shade at the same time.

Elora and Jen appear to be friends now or at least able to sit next to each other for a bitching session. Like remember when Chris Christie endorsed Trump?

“I am so jealous that she’s got the single date,” says Our Jen who last week said she doesn't get jealous.

Then they discuss which part of a schnitzel they eat first and Jen says the cream comes last. But she mangles it saying “I'm like the creme le da creme”. Give the girl a break she's from Albion Park not the bloody Champs-É-bloody-lysées.

Meanwhile by the open fire Cobie, who's not from Wollongong, and Matty are deep on the couch and Matty gets all handsy, helping himself to her leg.

She's written him a poem because she “hasn't dated in a while” and doesn't trust her words. So instead she uses words.

“That was an extremely good poem,” Matty says, in the words of no-one who ever liked a poem they just heard.

ABOUT LAST WEEK: Episode 2 recap, the good, the bad and the creamy

Cobie stuffs up her moment by saying “I want to kiss you” and then doing nothing. So after talking it through they have a kiss which despite the rousing soundtrack looks something like a white person trying to use chopsticks for the first time.

Enough of the romance stuff. The real contest is back at the mansion where Our Jen is vying to be top dog. Everyone has been out and played some kind of board game, where we got to see a bit more of Our Alix from Austinmer. She comes across as quite cool but that’s not going to win her any screen time.

Alix enjoys slapping a cream pie in Simone’s face (yay!), which is part of whatever game this is. Then it’s pies all round. Jokes are all a bit obvious as Evil Leah gets pied (yay!), Our Jen gets pied (yay!) and Alix gets pied (yay!).

Soon afterwards Florence dresses herself up as a saucy teacher and gives Matty a Dutch lesson. Look how weird it gets when she turns the power game on its head and starts telling him what to do. Let’s get back onto safer ground with a catfight.

Cobie, who had won a kiss earlier in the games but chickened out because “the girls would kill me … literally” is in trying to apologise to Matty. “I’m no here for anyone else” she claims, clearly misunderstanding the game. When Leah tries to interrupt Cobie says “I don’t care” and well that’s just going too far, to dis your homegirls, who would do that.

Our Jen (who now lives in Surry Hills) lays down the law about Cobie. Words like “bitch” and “hustler” are spat as Jen puts on a display of head bobbing and finger swinging that wouldn’t be out of place on the Jerry Springer Show. 

Our Laura from West Wollongong (who also lives in Sydney) thinks she can be a leader by having a reassuring presence and a calm, sensible kind of authority. Silly Laura, that won’t do. She weighs in to say maybe Cobie wasn't so nasty but we're too deep into the Savvy B to be reasonable. 

There’s a rose ceremony, which it turns out is a lot more fun when seen on double speed, and they sound like the Chipmonks! Someone is evicted but they’re not from Wollongong and while everyone pretends they’re a little sad we know what they really mean: let’s get back to that house, get fancied up, and let the hunger games resume.