Every time Jane Malcolm hears reports of an air crash, a natural disaster or terrorist attack; she relives the tragedy of her mother and stepfather's deaths in the MH17 plane crash.
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Retired Kanahooka teachers Carol and Michael Clancy were among the 298 people killed when their Malaysia Airlines' flight was shot down over a war zone in the Ukraine on July 17 last year.
Ms Malcolm, 38, will attend a memorial service in Canberra on Friday, for the families of the 38 Australian victims, to mark the first anniversary of the crash.
It will be a tough day, but every day has been tough for Ms Malcolm, her brother Andrew, 36, and their extended family this past year.
Last Thursday for instance - a day relatives and friends would have celebrated Mrs Clancy's 65th birthday.
"Mum's birthday was a hard day, but there's been plenty of those," Ms Malcolm said.
"When Sydney's Vivid festival came round it hit home, because that was the last time I saw my mum and stepfather before they left on their holiday.
"And whenever I hear about some terrible event like the AirAsia crash, the Martin Place siege or any disaster, I find it really hard.
"Whereas once those events would seem like something that happened to someone else on TV, now it catches me out every time and I really empathise with the families of the victims."
Ms Malcolm will join her mother's sisters - Glenda Chalmers and Valerie Kelly - at the Canberra memorial where a plaque will be unveiled in a private ceremony for victims' families, ahead of a public service.
"Andrew unfortunately is quite sick so will not be able to attend but it will be nice to be with mum's sisters who are really struggling," she said.
"Mum was 10 and 12 years younger than them so she was always the little sister and they find that particularly hard.
"I don't know how I will feel. It feels like it happened ages ago, and then it feels like it was yesterday.
"And sometimes I simply forget - something happens and I automatically still think 'I should tell mum that'."
Among the sadness, there is happy news - Andrew and his wife Yuliya are expecting a child. Again though, it's something they would have loved to share with Mr and Mrs Clancy.
"It would have been the first grandchild, but they'll never get to meet the baby," Ms Malcolm said. "I am always struck by the things they will miss."
She gains comfort from the fact that both Mr and Mrs Clancy - formerly Carol Malcolm - had lived honourable lives which had an impact on so many.
Teaching children with disabilities was one of Mrs Clancy's passions, while Mr Clancy had retired as deputy principal of Albion Park Public School before the couple headed off on their three-week trip to Europe.
A candlelight vigil was held in Wollongong after the crash, while Albion Park Public School's hall has since been renamed in Mr Clancy's honour.
A memorial garden has also been planted at the school and an annual encouragement award established in his name. The school's flag will fly at half mast on Friday.
"We want to believe they made a difference, especially when their lives were cut so short," Ms Malcolm said.
"They were very quiet people but their whole lives they did so many little things to help people that added up to a whole lot.
"Because their deaths were made so public, we got to hear about many of those things and that was a real support."
Twelve months on, investigations continue into the crash, although the Western consensus has been that the plane was shot down by a BUK missile fired by pro-Russian separatists. A separate investigation by the Dutch Safety Board is expected to deliver its final report in September.
