Wollongong mum Cheryll Ellison is at her wit’s end. She calls police to get her first-born son James locked up to protect him from himself, to stop him from picking his eye balls with tweezers and gouging his ears until they’re raw, dripping with blood.
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Double locks on her bedroom door stop her son from sneaking in while she’s sleeping. It’s a slight reprieve from the intensity of his frantic pacing, up and down her hallway, hunting for money or property worth hocking.
James will do anything for money. His appetite for ice running through his veins is insatiable.
I will die for my son. What else can a mother do?
It makes him do irrational, ugly things that no mum wants to face or see. And it usually ends with him back in jail after a two or three week stint in the real world. A world that seems to have no place for him because he doesn’t have the capacity to accept help or help himself.
James, now 29, has spent the past 10 years in and out of correctional facilities. He was released from Silverwater jail just over a week ago.
His mum, who at times fears for her safety, was there to give her third born a ride home. The circumstances she finds herself in are in no way a reflection of her parenting skills. She is like many mums in the Illawarra who have found the ice epidemic has crept into their families.
Mrs Ellison says her only son is gentle at heart. It’s only when he’s coming down from a high that he becomes aggressive.
On a good day he cooks her dinner. On a bad day he is pacing, trying to break the lock on her bedroom door and exploding in fits of agitation.
On those days, Mrs Ellison is on tenterhooks waiting for what’s next. Since his release, James has stolen from the one person in his life he can count on to be there.
“He’s robbed me since he’s been home. I tried to set up a phone for him so he can listen to music, I wake up early in the morning and chat with him to give him positive views, to calm him. He lights up in those moments and that’s what encourages me to keep trying,” Ms Ellison said.
“If he gives you money for board he demands it back hours later ... saying he’s leaving and not coming back. He carries on yelling and swearing until he gets the money and then returns begging to come in and I end up giving in. He has nowhere to go if I don’t.
“People criticise me, they say walk away. I’ve exhausted every option, refuges, rehab, I’ve tried everywhere. At the end of the day if an addict doesn’t want to do these things he’s not going to do it.”
The only person left is a parent.
“The worry is that nine times out of 10 they will kill a parent in a psychosis. Even thought my son is nearly 30 years old and a big fellow that can stand over me, I will die for my son. What else can a mother do?”
James’ rap sheet consists largely of petty crimes due to his drug use. He’s been charged with credit card fraud, obtaining goods by deception. He breaks into cars, gets arrested for trespassing.
“I can't get any help for James when he's picking his eyeballs, when his ears are bleeding from picking his ear drums, when he can't walk so I call the police and have him locked up because I can't help him any other way,” Ms Ellison said.
“I can't stop the drug any other way, I can't save my son's eyeballs any other way, can't get him hospitalized can't get help.”
She cops criticism daily. People tell her she shouldn’t enable him but offer up to suggestions to help save his life.
“It's not just my story you're telling, it's the story of every parent of an addict,” she said.
“They're addicted to everything, every drug prescription, they're addicted to gambling, pornography, to cigarettes.
“Every parent is going through the same thing and it's a roller coaster ride of an unpredictable reality we ride along with them.”
Ms Ellison agreed to go public with her struggle because ice can affect any family, anywhere, any time.
James’ downward spiral into his world of hell happened when he tried ice with a friend aged 17.
“When he was younger he started off quite good, he played football, cricket, he was a nice young kid.”
When the drug hasn’t taken a hold, his mum can see the good in her boy. “That’s why I’m trying to rescue him”.
“Seeing your kid on drugs is heartbreaking, you know it's destroying their mind.
“They're not working anymore, not fitting into society, not functioning.
“There’s nobody out there that’s going to do this for me. I’m the only one who knows him, loves him and has the desire to try and rebuild him.”
