Lately, I've been having the same conversation over and over again. Perhaps you're familiar with how it goes.
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It starts with one person having an idea about how to make things work better.
For example, someone like Celeste Barber might say, "you know what, why don't we just put the $51 million raised towards things bushfire-affected communities really need?". The proposal sounds reasonably simple and logical.
And then the other person in this conversation responds with, "yeah, but that's not how the real-world works".
Weary chuckle from both people. Conversation over. Dead end.
I don't think the phrase "that's not how the real-world works" is said in defence of the status quo. It's not meant to end the conversation. But it has a more paralysing effect that we might realise.
What was meant as a benign response can actually be incredibly deflating. It's cloaked as wisdom or experience, but actually speaks of ingrained hopelessness.
It's a phrase that feeds a collective impotence to achieve real change, when new approaches with idealistic energy are exactly what is needed.
Our communities are facing a number of very complex challenges at the moment. It has me wondering whether I need to improve my understanding of how the 'real-world' works, or whether the way things work in the 'real-world' is, in fact, part of the problem.
When Celeste Barber triggered such an incredible swell of donations from across the world to help communities affected by the recent bushfires, she was motivated by a fundamentally human principle to help people.
Her intent would have been to gather as much money as possible to ensure communities had whatever they needed to recover.
She would have assumed that the relevant organisations would be keen to work together, that any barriers to disseminating the money could be overcome.
And perhaps there was some hope that the money might enable the Rural Fire Services to respond more effectively should we be faced with another devastating fire season in future.
This all sounds reasonable... until the 'real-world' kicks in.
In these conversations I've been having over and over again, the phrase "that's not how the real-world works" implies that people aren't willing to work together to improve how things are done. It suggests that even a clear rationale for change isn't enough to motivate people to change 'the system' or turn a bold idea into reality.
Well, this is not my experience.
My work with the Illawarra Shoalhaven Suicide Prevention Collaborative involves working with over 40 local organisations and community groups as well as many people from across the region who have their own personal experiences of suicide and recovery. And, over the past four years, we've seen some extraordinary things achieved.
As a result of people's passionate commitment to work together to achieve real change, we've implemented the most comprehensive suicide prevention effort ever undertaken in Australia.
New programs to support people presenting to emergency departments have been able to support hundreds of people to get through a crisis.
Over 7000 people have signed up to do Question Persuade Refer (QPR) online suicide prevention training. Approximately 6000 Year 9 students have learned how to look after themselves and support those around them.
These efforts have involved schools, councils, hospitals, businesses, media, community services, and hundreds of volunteers, all motivated by the urgency to do whatever we can to reduce suicide deaths.
What these people have collectively achieved so far has required a dogged refusal to accept that 'nothing can be done'.
Time and time again, they have had to 'push on' in the face of the systemic hopelessness associated with phrases like "but that's not how the real-world works".
We cannot, as communities, subscribe to the belief that suicides are inevitable.
Of course, there is still much to be done.
Achieving and sustaining the significant change required to reduce suicide deaths is certainly not easy. It will take time. And it will take sustained effort from all of us.
There is substantial momentum building in suicide prevention, both locally and nationally.
Communities awareness campaigns have been very successful in increasing people's appreciation for the impact of suicide and mental health.
Suicide prevention has been identified as a key priority for both the NSW and Commonwealth governments. And with the efforts of Collaborative members, the Illawarra Shoalhaven is well-placed to make the most of this window of opportunity.
But to reduce the impact of suicide in our communities, it will require each of us to adopt a stance of stubborn resistance to the hopelessness cultivated by phrases like "that's not how it works in the real-world".
It will need everyone to play their role.
To find out what you can do to help prevent suicides, go to https://www.suicidepreventioncollaborative.org.au/get-involved-2/what-can-i-do/
Alex Hains is the regional manager of the Illawarra Shoalhaven Suicide Prevention Collaborative
