The letter appeared in the West Australian - a disgruntled resident of Booragoon said he could "no longer suffer in silence".
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"I have been using Vegemite for more than 60 years," wrote Jeff Christie, his choice of words begging the question of whether the famed black spread had "uses" other than making buttery toast taste delicious.
"In recent years, it has become so hard that it is impossible to spread it. It mutilates my toast every morning ... I can't start my day without it. Something must be done!"
Was it legit? I remembered the bogus letter published in Viz magazine along the lines of "the end biscuits in the pack are always broken. Why don't they take the end biscuits out - problem solved?"
Let's assume Mr Christie was earnest. My first thought was as winter descends, the spread hardens. Someone suggested he take the Vegemite out of the fridge.
But there may be other factors at play. Has the consistency of the bread he "uses" changed over the years, becoming less substantial and more easily shredded?
Has Jeff taken to using spreadable butter variants, containing plenty of water, so instead of spreading they moisten and shred a lightly-built slice?
Has he, given his advancing years, come to toast his bread less, such that it stays softer and easier to chew with dentures - but less robust under the spreading knife?
Which brings me to the criticism of ABC journalists expressing views on Twitter. It comes from the same commercial media figures who are quite comfortable with their own outlets carrying front page "news" that is undisguised agenda and opinion.
But they haven't seen what the ABC is up to with Vegemite. It's destroying the social fabric faster than a sick three-year-old who should be back in immigration detention.
One ABC staffer sent a picture indicating what was the "correct application of vegemite". And it was only a light spreading. Not thick and generous. It was like you'd feed a five-year-old as you're forcing them to acquire the taste so as to guarantee them all that happiness later in life.
I'm not going to name this ABC figure, because if I were to slather their statement with the denunciation it deserves, it might lower your opinion of their character.
An imputation may be drawn. And given the state of defamation law in Australia, an imputation about whether you know your way around Vegemite could lead to significant damages.
Would you think less of recent defamation plaintiffs Ben Roberts-Smith or (almost) Christian Porter if it emerged they hated Vegemite? Or even worse, spread it too thin? Jeff Christie of Booragoon, I await your reply.
In the meantime, try the travel tube of Vegemite. Squeeze it out and it's nice and soft, even in the colder months.
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