Hear ye, hear ye!

By the powers given to me as Town Crier, hear ye loud and hear ye clear!

Under the authority of the Meteorology Act of 1955 I hereby demand, as is my given right, that all ye who invoke the name of the Bureau of Meteorology shall do so only using its full title.

We will not tolerate this "BoM" acronym any longer. It will cease forthwith lest ye risk a flogging.

Some leeway may be tolerated - "The Bureau" would be acceptable in second mentions only.

By order, under the powers of the Meteorology Act of 1955.

Sounds ridiculous - but our very own Bureau of Meteorology has just spent more than $200,000 of your money on trying to change its branding, complete with a release telling media to drop the BoM. Nor are we to call it the "Weather Bureau". No thank you.

Yes, the weather bureau has been roundly mocked for it, as it should be. It has also been mocked for failing to secure some of the new @The_Bureau social media handles it had just told people to use, instead of its well-known tags such as @NSW_BOM, its app which is called BOM and its website which is bom.gov.au.

And yes, they really did invoke the Meteorology Act of 1955, Section 5 of which makes reference to "The Bureau". (The Act also names it as the Commonwealth Bureau of Meteorology - does that mean it should correctly be the C-BoM?)

The relevant federal minister, the straight-talking Tanya Plibersek, dismissed the foolishness, saying people will call the BoM what they wish.

But how did it happen, that a vital organisation allowed itself to be made a fool by its own spin doctors? Not only have they usurped the BoM leadership's grasp on common sense, but they did it in such a lame fashion this campaign will feature in the future, at conferences where the marketing experts go to have their brains plugged in and updated with the latest trends - as a cautionary tale.

It appears the genius move was signed off under the previous government, one led by a former marketing professional whose love of PR had him accused of being all talk and no trousers.

Public service news site The Mandarin quoted AusTender documents which showed a company called The C Word Communications Agency was hired by the BoM for $69,300 for "brand implementation" in September 2021. And the Bureau contracted a senior communications advisor - paying $239,305 from August 2022 to June 2023.

Not a bad return for 10 months' work where quality doesn't seem to be a necessary component.

Did the BoM have an image problem? Well, it didn't on Monday.

Sure, there have been occasional forecasts of scary storms which have turned out to be fizzers. And the website can be tricky to navigate.

But generally we enjoy listening to radio hosts trying to pry drama out of super-factual weather nerds. And I love rain radar.

Our deferential relationship with the slightly-stuffy boffin house is perfectly echoed in the acronym BoM. Sturdy and unflappable, it's the least explosive institution going round.

And in Australia, where the redhead is nicknamed Blue and 'mate' can be expressed as a threat, that fits just fine. It is also short, punchy and catchy, which is exactly what media wants ... and isn't that also what the brand-managing conmen also seek, particularly given the near-total name recognition it enjoys?

The other Australian custom relevant here is you don't choose your own nickname, lest you be mocked as heartily as the BoM has this week. The notable exception here is ScoMo, who chose his own, but we're still wondering why so many in the media went along with that.

Now, where can I find a sucker to give me $240,000 to tell them how their brand is doing just fine?