Slightly Warne around the edges

An alternative view of some major sport talking points:

■Shane Warne says he could rip a few over, or under, or into a few - or whatever he was ripping - if he had to play a Test match, whether this was ''tomorrow'' or ''in two weeks''.

This raises a number of vital considerations: his level of confidence if the match was instead, say, five weeks away; the fact that no one seemed particularly intent on asking him to play in a Test match just at the moment; and the slight philosophical hurdle that even if his services were required, he basically said he wouldn't play anyway.

Summarising the germ of the nub of the nutshell of Warne's considered pronouncement, he seemed to be suggesting that Twenty20 is somewhat less demanding in terms of time, rigour and dedication than playing for the national team in the long-form version of the game.

''This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere!'' exclaimed King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Now, thanks to Shane's elite theorising, we can all experience exactly how the king felt at that moment.

■Just for the record, I have absolutely no idea who this slimline tonic individual is that's been perambulated about all over the landscape and described freely as Shane Warne. It might seem ill-mannered to say so, but this person is extremely convincing at not looking a great deal like the former Shane Warne.

If one had to hazard a guess, one might take a wild stab that it's a particularly well-preserved, carefully groomed former member of a Duran Duran-era band who's had most of the vanity-related products in a particularly well-stocked bathroom hurled at them with considerable intent and clinical accuracy.

■The Socceroos have been competing in the East Asian Cup. We've all heard about it, and there's no point denying it. It's been talked about for weeks. However, if some august authority wouldn't mind too terribly much bringing us other kids in the class up to speed, what in the Blue Hell is the East Asian Cup?

Supplementary question: Whatever it was before, or is now, had it been on some kind of witness protection program up until about six weeks ago?

This story Slightly Warne around the edges first appeared on WA Today.