What makes a good hot chip is pretty subjective.
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For us in the Mercury office, the answer is most likely to be crunchy, golden yellow/brown, soft but fluffy on the inside, salted evenly, hand-cut and cooked in fresh oil.
We found this chip nirvana at one much-loved location - where the chips also had a hard-to-describe moreish, savoury taste that kept us eating until we'd cleared the box.
For one of my colleagues, though, the sign of a good hot chip is when it's bright yellow, which she coats in chicken salt to make them even more fluoro. Another isn't deterred by that slightly acrid smell of oil going stale because it reminds her of eating hot chips in the past.
Sometimes, it's the location that makes a chip the best.
Is there anything better than a chip stolen from the packet on a hot day, when you're sandy, salty and famished after a swim in cool water, while it's still so hot that you have to hasafashasha as you eat? Or a warming box of chips sitting on your lap on a freezing cold winter day, as the southerly wind whips around your face?
Or maybe you're after a hot chip that's cheap as, well, chips (if so, you should head to Port Kembla). Or one that will still taste good when you eat it cold later on (for this, you'll want a Wollongong CBD favourite with its own secret seasoning).
Armed with about $10 per chip shop and list of criteria - crunch, colour, greasiness, thickness, seasoning, price, weight, location, packaging - we visited several of the Illawarra's most recommended chipperies to see how they fared.
Check out the list below, ranked by price per kilo, or make your own recommendation from one of the many other hot chip purveyors across the Illawarra.
The Galley, Port Kembla - $6.30 per kg
Cost/weight: $8/1265g
Greasiness: A little on the greasy side..
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Very salty, with uneven patches.
Colour: Medium yellow.
Crunch: Mixed - some soft, some crisp.
Thickness: Quite thick.
Packaging: Paper.
Location: A very unassuming shopfront, we wouldn't have known to come here - but it was a Reddit favourite. Plenty of places nearby in Port Kembla to settle in and enjoy your giant portion of chips.
General comments: We really wanted this to be a chip goldmine and it delivered in terms of being the best value for money of all the chip chops we visited. The chips were a little soft, but overall solid with a nice savoury taste but slightly uneven seasoning (understandable given the huge portion).
Tony's Chicken Shop, Wollongong - $10.05 per kg
Cost/weight: $8.50/846g
Greasiness: Normal
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Nicely seasoned, tossed through.
Colour: Lovely golden yellow, with some tasty looking shaggy ends.
Crunch: Excellent, nice noisy crunch.
Thickness: A slim chip, but not fries.
Packaging: In a tray, wrapped in paper
Location: On busy Crown Street, this is a drive-by location, but the chicken shop has some seating of its own (where you can probably bump into Tony himself) or you could venture to Beatson Park and unwrap your chips under a shady tree.
General comments: This was a generous serving and very fast, even though we visited on a busy mid-week lunch time. The chips are uniform, with golden crunch ends. There is minimal grease and you can tell they've been cooked at the proper temperature in fresh oil. Consistent and delicious, there's a reason this place has gone the distance.
Santorini's, Shellharbour - $11.80 per kg
Cost/weight: $9/763g
Greasiness: Slightly oily.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Well salted, some uneven patches.
Colour: Golden yellow.
Crunch: Mixed - some soft, some crisp.
Thickness: Normal, short and thick,
Packaging: Tray and paper.
Location: A great location, in Shellharbour village near the beach. Interestingly right next door to another chip shop.
General comments: These chips were some of the best tasting of the bunch - lovely and savoury - and a hit back at the office. They had slightly less visual appeal than the chips from neighbouring location Hooked, but won out on taste alone.
Harbourside, North Wollongong - $12 per kg
Cost/weight: $8.80/731g
Greasiness: Normal.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Nicely seasoned, tossed through.
Colour: Very yellow.
Crunch: Excellent. Some of the crunchiest chips we tried.
Thickness: On the thicker, shorter side.
Packaging: In a box and paper bag.
Location: It might be called Harbourside, but this fish shop is no longer actually harbour-side, and instead is located in the Dan Murphy's complex at North Wollongong. This is a drive and pick-up sort of chip shop, or you can eat in.
General comments: We were initially taken aback by the very bright yellow of these chips (although they would tick the box of our colleague who actually prefers chips this colour) but one taste and we were hooked. They were crunchy, flavoursome and moreish, not oily, drained really well and salted evenly. If you broke one in half, the potato inside was fluffy and - despite trying to limit ourselves to just a couple of chips from each place - we kept reaching into the back seat to try "just one more". While this wasn't our number one, it was close and would definitely be a favourite for younger members of the family.
Hooked, Shellharbour - $12.60 per kg
Cost/weight: $9.50/753g
Greasiness: Normal.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Well salted, subtle.
Colour: Great colour, golden yellow.
Crunch: Good, consistent crunch.
Thickness: Normal, short and thick,
Packaging: Tray and paper, with a stylish checked paper underlay.
Location: A great location, in Shellharbour village near the beach. Interestingly right next door to another chip shop.
General comments: Looked great with a great texture - not greasy, well-salted, crunchy outside and fluffy inside, but tasted slightly undercooked.
Aish's, Berkeley - $13.30 per kg
Cost/weight: $8/601g
Greasiness: On the oily side..
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Very salty.
Colour: Very pale yellow.
Crunch: Soft.
Thickness: Thinner, long chips - nice looking.
Packaging: Just paper, the classic way.
Location: There are lake views all around near Aish's, with plenty of places to park and eat your chips nearby
General comments: A little pale and soft on the day we visited, we thought the chips could have used a couple more minutes and would have benefited from having the salt tossed through instead of shaken over the top. Looked great - nice and uniform, love the presentation in just paper.
Fishnets Takeaway, East Corrimal - $13.65 per kg
Cost/weight: $10.50/768g
Greasiness: Normal.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Could have had a little more salt.
Colour: Very bright yellow.
Crunch: Normal.
Thickness: Normal, short and thick,
Packaging: Paper.
Location: On busy Pioneer Road, there is some outside seating, but the East Corrimal shore is not far away.
General comments: A nice taste, with no lingering oiliness. Good fluffy middle and some extra crunchy end bits (the best part of a chip, I reckon). Solid option - and clearly popular with all ages: we watched plenty of kids with skateboards dropping in to bit up chips and Fanta on the day we visit, sparking nostalgia.
Pep's, Lake Illawarra - $15.60 per kg
Cost/weight: $8/512g
Greasiness: Normal.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Well salted.
Colour: Quite yellow.
Crunch: Mixed - some soft, some crisp.
Thickness: Normal.
Packaging: Just paper, the classic way.
Location: A great location, with all of the Lake Illawarra foreshore and Windang Island nearby.
General comments: These chips had that old fashioned chip shop smell, and were solid in every way - but on the day we visited, the oil needed freshening up.
Neptunes Bulli - $15.80 per kg
Cost/weight: $9.50/600g
Greasiness: Quite greasy.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. A little too heavily salted.
Colour: Pale yellow, with a brown tinge.
Crunch: Soft, with some crunchy ends.
Thickness: Thick and hand cut.
Packaging: Paper.
Location: So hard to find! This was recommended to us by three people in the office, but we had to drive past twice to find it as there is only a small sign saying "Welcome!". It's in the car park next to Chimichangas.
General comments: Recommended for its hand-cut chips, the oil here wasn't fresh enough on the day we visited and they left that lingering old-fashioned chip shop smell in the car. Our colleague who recommended them said "but this is what chips taste like" and was happy to polish off a few for lunch.
Tarrawanna Fish and Chips - $20.60 per kg
Cost/weight: $9.50/459g
Greasiness: Normal.
Seasoning: Option of plain or chicken. Well seasoned.
Colour: An appealling golden yellow/brown.
Crunch: Amazing. Almost chewy and crunchy, with lots of jagged ends.
Thickness: Slim and hand cut. Lots of different sizes added to texture.
Packaging: Tray and paper bag
Location: Located in Tarrawanna Village.
General comments: Super speedy and friendly service in a spotless shop, where the new owners who were trained by former owner Vera to make what we think are the best hot chips in town. These chips ticked all the boxes and had an intangible wow factor - they had a nice chewiness, lots of crunch and a yummy savoury taste. We cleared the box.
Chicko's Wollongong - $21.05 per kg
Cost/weight: $10.40/494g
Greasiness: Slightly oily.
Seasoning: Comes with Chicko's seasoning only.
Colour: Pale yellow with an orange dusting from the seasoning.
Crunch: Normal.
Thickness: Slim cut chips.
Packaging: In a box, paper bag and then a plastic bag (perhaps explaining the lack of crunch).
Location: Close to town and the beach, there's plenty of good spots to go to eat your Chicko's chips. For a Wollongong classic, drive to Flagstaff Hill and park, eating them as you stare out over south beach and the steelworks.
General comments: Some of the more expensive chips we tried, these had a mix of slightly soggy and very crunchy ends. My personal preference is for a salted chip without seasoning, which isn't an option at Chicko's - however, the seasoning is a secret weapon when making the flavour last. While many of the other chips completely lost their appeal by the time we headed back to the Mercury office, our colleague were happy to keep snacking on these ones all afternoon.