Trigger warning: This story discusses sexual assault and self-harm and may be distressing to some readers.
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In eight days, it will be a year since 28-year-old rape survivor Bianca has attempted self harm.
It has been a decade since she was first sexually assaulted as an 18-year-old, three days before her HSC trial exams, but it took years before she got the acknowledgement and treatment to help her heal.
She shared her confronting, extraordinary story - outlining the myriad of ways she was let down by the mental health system - at the official opening of Ramsay Clinic Thirroul.
The clinic is Australia's first women's-only trauma hospital, and Bianca was one of six women who were part of the first intake in August.
After her first rape, Bianca said she was made to feel like her reaction was a personal failing, and when she finally saw a psychologist, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
"I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me, and I should be ashamed," she said.
She was raped again in December of 2012 by the same person, which triggered multiple suicide attempts.
"[In hospital] they would put me on a drip, make me promise I would be okay and send me on my way, but I would only try again the next day," she said.
The next year, Bianca saw a GP and was prescribed sedatives and high doses of lithium for bipolar, which she didn't have. She was hospitalised with lithium poisoning.
Then she sought help at a private mental health facility, where she was asked by various clinicians if she had a "reason" for the scars on her arms, and whether she had Stockholm syndrome for her rapist.
In October 2014, her third rape at the hands of the same man was so brutal it put her in hospital. Her sexual assault exam was conducted by a man, and when she asked if a women could do the exam she was told that wouldn't be possible.
"I had a man ask me to lay down while he conducted my examination," she said.
"All I could do was sit there and cry silently to myself, I numbed out and started to dissociate. I was traumatised further. When he finished the exam, he asked me to stand up and open my gown, he handed me a colour chart next to my bruising on my naked body, and took photos."
She then had multiple surgeries to help fix some of her internal injuries, and eventually found a psychologist and GP she trusted. However, she needed a psychiatrist to sign off on a hysterectomy to help stop bleeding and pain related to her assaults.
"[The psychiatrist] told me no, I won't approve this, let's talk about this in a year," she said.
"I cried and told him it was so unfair that he got to control my body."
By 2017, she was working four days a week, attending regular psychology and GP appointments. But she found herself being triggered hearing of someone with the same name as her offender, or when she would smell the same cologne he wore during her rapes.
However, when she sought help, Bianca said she was told by a specialist to "think about what [the offender] lost going to jail". Another psychiatrist asked her if her nervous leg bouncing was "a side effect of illegal drugs".
"I was so desperate to end my pain, to stop the hurt that I constantly felt, I was defeated," she said.
Eventually, she agreed to contact Dr Karen Williams - a specialist in women's trauma, and the brains behind the new Thirroul trauma hospital.
For 10 years there was a hole in my heart from the trauma I experienced, but each day I learned a new skill, I laughed more, I cried with these women and I left proud and supported and that hole started to heal.
- Bianca, rape survivor.
"For the first time in 10 years, she told me there was nothing wrong with me," Bianca said.
"My thoughts were normal, and my feelings towards being raped and losing everything were normal. I was not too sensitive or crazy, or needed more medications to regulate my emotions about what happened to me."
Dr Williams also wrote a support letter for Bianca's hysterectomy, which she had in April, and then in August she became part of the first intake at Thirroul.
"I finally understood why my brain worked the way it did, that my brain did not register that my trauma had ended," she said.
"Not once was I judged, belittled or invalidated. For 10 years there was a hole in my heart from the trauma I experienced, but each day I learned a new skill, I laughed more, I cried with these women and I left proud and supported and that hole started to heal.
"I am eight days away from one whole year of no self harm - this is the longest I've ever gone from hurting myself since I was raped."
In the three months since she's left, Bianca said she has for the first time as an adult been able to make plans for her future
"I do face masks and foot massages, I have picnics in parks and go to cafes and read a book by myself," she said.
"I go to the gym and don't care if people are looking at me and think I'm flawed."
"My life could have been so different if this was available to me back then. The official opening of Ramsey Clinic Thirroul means so much to me because every woman that walks through these doors will not have to wait that long.
"This hospital is going to change the lives of so many women... it's my wish that these hospitals are available to both public and private patients - everybody deserves help and nobody should have to beg for it."
Ramsay Clinic Thirroul is a 43-bed women's only unit, providing a safe environment where women can deal with trauma-related mental health disorders.
It treats women who are survivors of domestic violence and other trauma, including veterans, refugees and car crash victims.
National Crisis Services: Lifeline - 13 11 14; Blue Knot Helpline and Redress Support Service (For adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse) - 1300 657 380; 1800RESPECT (For people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse) - 1800 737 732; National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline - 1800 250 015; Beyond Blue - 1300 22 4636.