Wollongong city weeps after CBD teen suicide tragedy

It's business as usual in the Wollongong Central shopping centre on Tuesday morning - a little girl walks hand-in-hand with her mother and a milkshake, the escalator's broken again.

But if these walls could talk, they'd be wailing.

A boy's tragic and very public suicide death in the Wollongong CBD 24 hours earlier has left centre vendors and witnesses distraught, and a family forever devastated.

Across the city at Wollongong's Smith's Hill selective high school, where the boy was a Year 11 student, trained psychologists and counsellors are on hand "over the week and beyond if necessary" as part of the school's response to the tragedy.

Read more: Three steps anyone can learn to prevent suicide

Wollongong suicide prevention specialist Brian Boulton expects the boy's death will prompt "scary conversations" in households across the Illawarra. It might be scary, he says, but this is a conversation parents should not shy away from.

"Telling kids the truth - not sensationalising it, but not hiding it either - is really important," said Mr Boulton, a school chaplain who lost his own father to suicide when he was 11.

"Kids know that stuff goes on and they talk about it among themselves. Leaving it a mystery, wanting to know, almost draws them in more.

"Obviously it needs to be age-appropriate

"You might say, 'this is a scary subject for me, but I need to talk to you about it'. Kids need to know that we sometimes feel that way too. Kids need to know it (suicide) is not isolated to some special person who had something wrong when they went and did this. It opens up the way for a kid to say, 'yeah it scares me too'."

A school chaplain and one-time senior staff member at Lifeline, Mr Boulton became the QPR Institute's Australian master trainer due to his expertise delivering QPR (Questions, Persuade, Refer) training - a type of First Aid for emergencies of the mind.

In the wake of Monday's tragedy, he urges parents to pay particular attention to those on the periphery of the event.

While support is rightfully most heavily targeted at those who are closest, unsupported children on the outskirts may be at risk in the days, weeks, months and years ahead, he says.

"We always think of those who were closest to them - their friends. But at least as much of a concern are those kids on the fringe, who might already be having emotional issues or mental health issues, who could be already depressed.

Mr Boulton says parents should treat the subject with the depth it deserves rather than dismissing or downplaying events with fear-driven statements like, "oh he probably didn't really mean to" or, "you wouldn't do that, would you?".

He also encourages parents to be prepared to ask tough questions like, "I know you've had some trouble at school too. Do you ever feel this way?" or, "I know you sometimes feel depressed. Do you ever feel this way?".

"If a child gives any kind of hint whatsoever in their response, it's important to take it seriously, even if you don't believe they ever would do it."

Mr Boulton encourages parents to use support services such as Lifeline (131 114) and other suicide hotlines (see below), or to approach a counsellor.

He says it is a myth that there are no warning signs before a suicide.

"You don't have to be a trained professional to step in and say, 'hey, this is a concerning time'.

"One really big thing you can say to people who are wanting to die is, 'I don't want you to die'. Because you can't argue with that.

"The next thing is: 'You told me you're feeling this way. I'd really like to get some help with this, I can't handle this by myself. Would you let me get you some help?'."

"Asking them permission to get them some help gives them a sense of control over what's happening, rather than just being dragged along to a doctor.

In the tragedy's wake, Wollongong Lord Mayor Gordon Bradbery called for a greater focus on "the emotional wellbeing of our young people".

"My sympathies and prayers go out to the family of this young person and I think I express that on behalf of the whole community," he said.

"Such an incident reminds us all of how fragile some young people can be in the circumstances that they confront. We need to surround our young people with as much love and support as we can muster."

Cr Bradbery said the devastation of the boy's death would have a ripple effect.

"Many lives ... are being affected by such a tragedy."

Between January and November last year, there were 885 suspected deaths by suicide recorded in NSW, compared with 818 suspected suicide deaths recorded during the same period in 2021, 812 recorded in 2020, and 851 in 2019.

Of those deaths recorded in 2022, 689 were male.

A NSW Department of Education spokeswoman said support surrounding the tragedy would be ongoing.

"We are deeply saddened by the death of one our students and offer our care and condolences to the family and loved ones."

"Additional counsellors have been deployed to the school to support the family, students, staff, and the school community through this difficult time."

There are many services available to anyone struggling with Monday's tragedy, or with the issues raised in the article.

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