Thirlmere couple Dane Coulter and Sean Duffy have found an egg donor, a surrogate and in a few months hope to be expectant parents.
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A five year journey to start a family has taken them around the world.
Thousands of dollars and kilometres later, their search for an egg donor and surrogate has ended in success, ironically within easy driving distance of their Wollondilly home.
Late last year a desperate Mr Coulter posted on the Wollondilly Families Facebook page asking if any women wanted to be an egg donor or surrogate.
The couple could not believe that two local women put their hands up to help them.
“We were so relieved when the women contacted us and we were overwhelmed by the response and positive vibes from the community,” Mr Coulter said.
“I can’t explain how amazing it was that they [offered to help].”
The 2016 census recognised the relationship of 47,000 same-sex couples, up from 33,000 relationships in 2011.
A quarter of female same-sex couples have children and 4.5 per cent of male same-sex couples.
Mr Coulter and Mr Duffy have been together for eight years after meeting online.
In 2012 they decided they wanted to start a family so they explored their options.
“I wanted a baby. I want to have a family,” Mr Coulter said.
“I have fears of growing old not surrounded by family. I have a dream of having a big family Christmas like I did when I grew up.”
They looked into the fostering and the adoption process first.
“Fostering or adoption can often take five years,” Mr Coulter said.
“Fostering is a complex process and the government would always be in our lives.”
“We felt our baby would never truly be ours,” Mr Duffy said.
“We thought the quicker option would be to pay to have a surrogacy overseas,” Mr Coulter said.
The couple travelled to Thailand with an egg donor in 2012. The embryos were frozen until the couple could afford to transfer them to a Thai surrogate.
However, the international baby Gammy dispute put the Thai industry on hold before it was eventually shut down.
An Australian couple, David and Wendy Farnell used the Thai surrogacy process and brought home one child but her twin brother Gammy, who had down syndrome, was left in Thailand.
“We immediately looked to protect our embryos and had to hastily transfer them to another country,” Mr Coulter said.
Under new Thai law which came into effect in 2015, foreign couples can no longer seek surrogacy services in Thailand.
He and Mr Duffy transferred their embryos to Nepal before it’s government followed Thailand’s decision.
Mr Coulter said bringing the embryos to Australia was not an option because they were already gender identified, which is prohibited in Australia.
After a last ditch attempt to store the embryos in America failed, all the embryos were destroyed.
“The whole process was very emotionally draining,” Mr Coulter said. “I was very frustrated and I felt numb.”
The couple still had hope that one day they would have a family.
A year later the couple were financially and emotionally ready to start the surrogacy process again.
With international commercial surrogacy no longer an option, the men posted an appeal on Facebook.
It worked.
Paid advertising for a surrogate is prohibited in Australia and therefore most searches tend to be word-of-mouth or via closed social media groups.
An egg donor and surrogate, both from Wollondilly, are helping the couple realise their dream.
In NSW women can enter a surrogacy arrangement provided the birth mother does not gain financially.
The intended parents are, however, allowed to reimburse the birth mother for any reasonable costs she has incurred as a result of her pregnancy.
In Australia, agreements between the intended parents and birth mother are not legally binding, meaning if the surrogate does not wish to give up the child at birth, she has the legal right to change her mind.
Intended parents can apply for the child to be legally recognised as their own through a parentage order.
The egg donor went through counselling, blood tests, scans and self injections before 14 eggs were collected earlier this year.
Mr Coulter and Mr Duffy’s sperm fertilised seven eggs each. Three embryos each were viable.
“To get six viable eggs was a really good result,” Mr Coulter said.
The embryos are now frozen in Sydney for four months while they are quarantined.
The embryo fertilised by Dane’s sperm will be implanted into the surrogate first after the quarantine process.
“We are now going through counselling and we can’t wait for that day,” Mr Coulter said.
“I will be crying tears of joy when I first hold my baby girl or boy.”
Mr Coulter said the Australian surrogacy process would cost up to $70,000 as opposed to $13,000 for the Thai surrogacy process.
“We preferred going through the surrogacy process in Australia but we wished there was more support from the government,” Mr Duffy said.
“It would be great if there was a government registry of potential egg donors and surrogates.”
The couple were thankful their friends, family and the community had been supportive of their desire to have a baby.
“The online community on the Wollondilly Facebook pages were very supportive and we weren’t expecting so much positivity,” Mr Duffy said. “There were no negative comments.”
The couple are engaged and plan to get married in New Zealand before the baby arrives.
