Joshua James Weir said he was eating "his own version of a custard tart" by a Fairy Meadow bus stop last year, before it all ended in a bloody, creamy mess.
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The 35-year-old told Wollongong Local Court he constructed his snack by placing bits of Kit Kat on top of a store-bought tart before covering it in whipped cream.
But it was what he did with his makeshift dessert that ended in a "split ear" and a six-month jail sentence.
Weir fronted court for a hearing on Monday, after he pleaded not guilty to common assault, assault occasioning actual bodily harm, and intimidate with intent to cause fear of physical harm.
The charges stemmed from an incident about 3.30pm on August 12 last year, the court heard, when Weir was outside Fairy Meadow Woolworths eating the tart, as the victim Peter Daldey parked his car out the front to do some shopping.
Giving evidence in the witness box, Mr Daldey told the court he heard a "ping" sound on the roof of his car and saw "white stuff" spray everywhere.
He got out of the car, saw something that looked like a tart, and asked Weir if he had thrown it.
Mr Daldey said Weir admitted to throwing the tart and that he also yelled "You're a dog, go f--- yourself" before blocking his way into the supermarket.
A push and shove ensued, and Mr Daldey put his hands to his chest and tried to push Weir to the side, the court heard.
Weir then sprayed Mr Daldey with his can of whipped cream and yelled, "You're my dog".
"I had it over my chest, my head, my arms," Mr Daldey told the court.
"I was trying to chase him at this point, I was angry. At one stage he hit me on the right side of the face."
Weir then ran between two parked cars on the Princes Highway and threw the whipped cream can at Mr Daldey.
"It hit the side of my head and split my ear open," Mr Daldey said.
Two police officers approached the scene after witnessing two men involved in a physical confrontation.
Wollongong police detective Nathan Kirkwood was one of those officers. He gave evidence at the hearing, telling the court he saw Weir drop the can as the officers approached.
Body worn footage played in court showed a police interview with Mr Daldey after the attack, who was bleeding from his face and covered in whipped cream.
But police were left with two different versions of the story, the court heard.
When Weir took to the witness box, he vehemently denied the charges. He told the court he bit into the custard tart and got it all over himself, flicking crumbs towards the bin, which may have been flicked onto Mr Daldey's car.
"Maybe he did have a bit of f---ing pie crust on top of his car, but why should he come assault me after he had pie crust on his car," Weir said.
In Weir's version of events, he "panicked" and sprayed the whipped cream at Mr Daldey in self-defence.
He denied pushing, punching or throwing the can at Mr Daldey.
However, in an electronically recorded police interview, Weir indicated he did throw the can. When asked about this in court, he said he meant to say he threw the cream, not the actual can.
However, Magistrate Gabriel Fleming found Weir guilty of the attack and said he was "inconsistent" in his evidence.
Magistrate Fleming added Mr Daldey was a "very good witness" who appeared to give a clear account of the incident in court.
In addressing Weir, Magistrate Fleming pointed to his lengthy record of violence.
"This is an unprovoked attack on a man who was trying to do his shopping ... if you keep going you'll be spending the rest of your life in prison," Magistrate Fleming said.
Weir got his just desserts of six months jail.
Read more court and crime stories here.
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