Farmer Wants a Wife recap: Christina from the Gong makes screen history

Welcome back to the latest episode of Samantha Armytage wants a new job and has Sam finally found her match?

This is just one of the burning questions ahead of us in this series, along with what is a real farmer, what is real love, but never what is a woman.

Also, what will happen to Wollongong's Christina, who's been finding the whole circus a bit much. Spoiler alert: she'll make history.

Read more: Farmer wants a Gong Girl but does he know it yet?

In case you've been living under a Northern Territory termite mound for the past few days, this is where we recap the latest episode of Farmer Wants a Wife, a dating show on Channel 7.

You can probably guess the point of the show from the title. We're barracking for the lovely Wollongong ladies who are vying for the attention of the boys from the bush.

Three were quickly cut to two and in this one, Christina has been accused of being a bit quiet - never a good sign on a show like this.

But first, back to Armytage, who previously popped up on Farmer Wants a Wife last year, giving girls advice from someone who had landed their own farmer - or Southern Highlands "equestrian businessman" as he was perhaps better described. At least there's horses involved somewhere.

Sam chose a much more traditional Highlands method of meeting her beau-to-be: getting introduced at socialite Skye Leckie's birthday do at her Burrawang estate. Skye's pad used to be a farm, so I guess that's kinda ag.

We pause to wonder what happened to that nice Natalie Gruzlewski who appears in promotional materials saying she's proud of her 13 years with FWAW, but hasn't been seen yet? At least Nat spells her own surname properly.

Could it be that the women who host the show are also liable to be lined up and shipped off just like a suitor? Yep, the pressure's on everyone. Sam and Nat still don't know who gets to present the finale. Each has recorded the show but no-one is saying which one will air.

In the previous episode cracks started to show - there were tears when the rest of the competitors arrive at the homestead, a couple of tantrums. Will the show stay true to its wholesome reputation - what Armytage described as "pure" intentions - or are the producers contriving a big Bachelor-style beanfeast of bunfighting and itchiness?

Let's find out.

In the third episode, contestants are paired off into double dates and whoever is the least lovely is packed off home. It's gruesome, up there with the hosting battle behind the scenes at Channel 7.

Farmer Matt has his hands full with Chelsea, who seemed nice enough to invite to the farm but it turned out she's dangerous. He said something nice about her and she responded by trying to eat his face off.

David takes his gang of girls into the apple fields hoping some forbidden fruit jokes break out, but instead we get an early taste of his strange laugh. We don't care because he's only packed off his only Wollongong prospect.

Andrew's first date choice Claire, who used to drive mining trucks and who appears to be the only cast member with a surgically enhanced face, has been stomping around unable to handle the other girls being around.

"I have to find Andrew right now and tell him how I'm feeling", which is a move that has always worked out well in these dating shows. A spot in the duel-date beckons.

Andrew's in the shed reflecting. "It's one of those things you've got to do", he says, like he's talking about cutting a chook's head off for dinner. He's worried if Leah thinks about leaving now, there might come some other day later in married life where she considers it too. We've all been there. Til death do us part, right? Death.

Andrew talks straight to Claire, kinda, in the way someone would talk when they assume the dominant position leaning on a gum tree near the river. Will Leah will be packed off soon?

So when we say wholesome, a better word is probably throwback. This show is overtly and exclusively heterosexual, which does seem to stand out these days. The farmer is a he, the he is a man, and he wants a woman for a wife, and there's not need to argue about what a woman is thank you very much.

There's no fudging it by introducing a bisexual twist a la the Bachelor (only for the girls of course). We haven't heard of any plans to change tack, either. There's no reason to believe Farmer Wants a Farmer is in the pipeline.

Of course women can be farmers too but seriously, this is a safe space away from modern details and discussions like that.

It's a simpler time where man and woman meet, get to know each other, and compete with several others until some get knocked on the head and the winner is dragged back to the homestead.

Which brings us back to the farmer's hands. Remember they have paid the price for the work done on the land, and you can see it. Kinda like a tradie's hands but imagine he'd done some work after 2.30 in the afternoon.

Andrew's hands are busy making meatballs while surrounded by women in the kitchen. Maybe we're heading to Utah after all. Andrew might cop it for seeming like the old-fashioned type who hasn't caught up with the times and that doesn't seem fair. But rest assured he'll probably get the chance to demonstrate how fair it is.

Farmer Brad seems like a decent enough fellow and as a show of faith he's taken off his dome-covering hats, figuring if he wants love he has to be open about himself.

But he has to pick two ladies for the duel date and Our Christina is one of them.

She speaks to the camera, or the producer just off to its right. They haven't quite found a connection and she doesn't feel like "I've quite been myself". Herself would be irresistible, is the implication.

She'll be devastated if she goes home, but she's up against a fast talker who looks like one of the Veronicas if they were blonde and really, Christina has probably spent enough on RMs shirts and navy stretch jeans that she won't wear again.

They sit through an awkward "double date" and Christina talks about how it's been a hard process. Who would have thought trying to charm a dude with cameras on you all day might be a challenge?

Like we know, Wollongong people are genuine and open, and if that doesn't suit a TV dating show, then maybe the problem is with the ...

Hang on, Christina's competitor reminds the farmer an ex who was younger. Does she still have a chance?

Answer is yes. Christina has been taken to the edge and then given a stay of execution - because her competitor was "at a different stage of our life".

Woohoo! Woo! Woo! Woooollongong!!

And with that Christina makes history as the first woman in history to keep a job on-screen because she is slightly older.

Good choice, Farmer Brad. Each time these guys ditch someone I like them a bit less. Not because of the hurt, just the confected way they explain it. Mates, if you're so genuine, perhaps meet people halfway in the journey out of your comfort zones.

Meanwhile Leah also gets to stay. I'm sure it's not because her walking drama act brings some edge to the show.

"You're like the guy I married but better," she says to Andrew - and if you can get away with that ... hang on now, he's leaning in to smooch those mining money-boosted lips and thank goodness, if they were any smaller he would have missed.

Tune in again after the next episode to follow Olivia, Christina, and the others in their quest for, as Kenny Rogers would say, Love or Something Like It.