After Wollongong's Olivia Benic won the hand of Matt Young on Seven's Farmer Wants a Wife, but moved to Canberra as he took a job with the public service, Ben Langford has a guess about what her diary might possibly contain in the first four weeks after the show wrapped.
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Week 1:
Still pretty high after winning Farmer Wants a Wife - and the best thing is you get keep a farmer as the prize - and I'm the prize too! It's like some wild erratic fancy.
They call Canberra the "Bush Capital". So while I got taken for a ride on the show - about the whole "living on a farm" thing - at least there's a bush something.
Compared to farm life, this Canberra thing is a bit weird. You've got all the people, all the cars, small blocks of land, but none of the excitement a real city brings.
Instead of riding horses around the fenceline before sunset I'm riding the light rail up Northbourne Ave before rush hour.
In place of lowing cattle I can hear its tepid rattle, as the tramway and the bogans race each other down the street.
There aren't many people like me in Canberra so making new friends is easy. One bloke asked me if I wanted to go and see the Prayer Room in Parliament House but I'll save that for Sundays.
On the bright side Autumn was gorgeous. The red leaves crisping up on the ground made us feel like our blood ran thick with old European poetry.
On the not so bright side winter is coming, I've done all the things there are to do and I've started them over again, and I don't think I have any clothes with sleeves.
But on the bright side Matt's made me promise to teach him how to ski so we can join the racetrack to Perisher each Friday night, and meet the vision splendid of Pretty Valley extended.
I'm keen to get a job but it's hard when we have to take off and spend three days of each week in Wollongong just because there's a beach there.
Week 2:
The celebrity invitations keep arriving. We've said yes to being ambassadors for the National Archives where they do some really great important work and if Mr Albo doesn't come good with that money he promised I'll be paying a visit.
We said no to some adult shop in Fyshwick who had some really strange ideas about what "animal husbandry" means.
The celebrity scene here in the big smoke is weird. We went to a chinwag last night and it was all diplomats from Europe and architects in skivvies. I've been trying to practice my Aussie farm lingo but these Scandi galahs looked at me like I was a few cans short of a sixpack.
All the talk was about which politician's husband just bought a new flat so they can rent it to the spouse and claim travel allowance from Sydney as well. If I wanted real estate talk I'd move to Sydney and go on the next series of Cosmetic Surgeon to the Stars Wants a Wife.
It's not like Wollongong where everyone knows who the celebrities are. Football rules, so there's the Dragons players right up the top, then when they get arrested there's a new crop to come up behind them.
In Canberra, they say politics is showbusiness for ugly people so they're like the celebrities around town. But what about those of us who are not ugly? What's the showbusiness for us round here?
I reckon the true celebrities in Canberra must be the High Court guys. They even get to dress up in wigs and all. We're going to meet some of them next week to see if they need celebrity ambassadors ... so excited!
And the guy who turns that water spout in the lake on and off at random. That's got to be the No.1 job in the city.
Week 3:
A farm lifestyle might have made this whole arranged marriage thing easier to handle. Sitting on the back step of the townhouse isn't quite the same.
This guy in Civic the other day asked me if I'm "searching" - he must have thought I'd lost one of the ewes. So nice of him to offer to help. I've just got that farm thing about me.
He seemed cold so I said I'd knit him a jumper once the merinos are shorn. His pallid face haunts me. Note to self: Don't forget in Bookham this Sunday to get a fresh supply of those wheat stalks to chew on.
I'm going to bring the farm to the city.
But ... turns out Matt was right about keeping the horse in the courtyard at the townhouse. What with the rows of corn and the potato crop, and the sheep of course. Who knows how far away she would have gotten by now. Off to join the wild bush horses.
I heard there was a Farmer's market on Saturday morning and that sounded great! Just like how I found my Matt - on a live TV Farmer market!
It was alright. Made me want to be on the other side of the stall though. The gozleme ladies had the biggest queue. Why they don't just make them before someone orders, they only sell two things? Some artisan guys wanted $21 for one salami! Not like the Leisure Coast.
Week 4:
Went for a drive today out to the Canturf grass farm where they farm grass. Not the Berkeley kind, that's been legal here for years. The turf kind for suburban yards. Must have gone round about a thousand roundabouts I was dizzy by the time I got there!
Usually I love getting around the city on the purple e-scooters. You just ride and ride wherever you want and they're totally free! This would never work in Wollongong. People would just smash them or chuck them in a creek.
Totally devvo yesterday when I went all the way to the Carillon to see the bellringers and guess WHAT? There weren't even real bells being rung. Probably a good thing it didn't look like there was much room up there.
Matt and I are going strong. I try and get him out to the farm when I can. Good fun in Bookham on the weekend. We got to meet Nancy, who takes care of the Bookham Rest Area comfort stop on the Hume Highway. She's getting it back to its former glory.
And I somehow fancy that I'd like to change with Nancy, take a turn at watching the grey nomads come and go. While she gets a job in Civic, and pretends her name was Benic. But I'd doubt she'd suit the office, Nancy, of the highway loo.
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The story so far: The Mercury's recaps of Farmer Wants a Wife
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Ben Langford
Senior journalist writing on the environment. Opinion columnist, independent. We rely on your news tips so please, don't be shy to let us know what's going on.
Senior journalist writing on the environment. Opinion columnist, independent. We rely on your news tips so please, don't be shy to let us know what's going on.
